“You try to consider that the program is an essay, a work of literature. I’m hoping someday that the Pulitzer Prize committee will agree.

“Sales of non-new US homes fell 8.4% in March, the sharpest month-on-month drop for 18 years and a further illustration of weakness in the US housing market.

“DNA offers the possibility of certainty in a few kinds of crimes — like rape, or perhaps a murder when the criminal struggled with the victim and left behind skin or blood evidence that can be tested for genetic material. But the flaws that exonerations have revealed are common to any number of criminal prosecutions: mistaken eyewitnesses, forensic experts who draw the wrong conclusions, jailhouse informants, hair and blood analysis, misguided arson investigations, fingerprint analysis.

“..your early customers should all be oriented around relationships.

“YouTube is a forum not just for amateur pranks but also for career reinvention.

“We did not have a funeral. Nobody really treats a 9 week old fetus like that. Not even pro-lifers.

“We spend too much time hiding illness. There is an assumption that I must always look the same. Being sick is no fun. But you can have fun while you’re sick. ..cancer of the salivary gland spread to my right lower jaw. A segment of the mandible was removed. Two operations to replace the missing segment were unsuccessful, both leading to unanticipated bleeding. A tracheostomy was necessary so, for the time being, I cannot speak.

“..the author of the winning entry will be awarded a High-Resolution JPEG of an “Official Olympiad of Misguided Geeks at Worse Than Failure” First Prize Trophy. In addition, if you’d like, I’ll toss in a brand new laptop (choice of a 15” MacBook Pro or Sony VAIO VGN-SZ430N/B) so you can view this JPEG.

“Despite having been on the job for nine months, RadioShack CEO Julian Day said Monday that he still has “no idea” how the home electronics store manages to stay open. One of Day’s theories about RadioShack’s continued solvency involves wedding DJs, emergency cord replacement, and off-brand wireless telephones. Another theory entails countless RadioShack gift cards that sit unredeemed in their recipients’ wallets. Day has even conjectured that the store is “still coasting on” an enormous fortune made from remote-control toy cars in the mid-1970s.

“The grisly events at Virginia Tech involved no struggle, no sacrifice, no great principle. They were random and pointless. Those who died were not soldiers in any cause. They were not murdered by our enemies. They were not martyrs. ..in expectation of rather stiffer challenges to our composure, we might practice nailing the colors to the mast rather than engaging in a permanent dress rehearsal for masochism and the lachrymose.